Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
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come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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