Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
