I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
