i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
