JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize