She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
