the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
