i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
