Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
