Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
