Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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