how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and she was petting her beer can
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
