I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
