i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
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It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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