You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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