I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
