just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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