it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
