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i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
