alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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