Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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