hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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