If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
