How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
