dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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