I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
