I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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