U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
