Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
