Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
