i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
