You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
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