just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
