At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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