I heard we made out
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
