yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
