Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
