hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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