I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So much Jack, so little girl.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
