he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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