our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sorry about my life...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
