Already got asked if we're dating
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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