I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why do cheetos always look like penises
bring money and cleavage
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
