I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
