I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
