Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
