Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
