quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
