no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
