pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
