I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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