i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
