i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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