wat bout pragnant strippers??
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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