Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
