I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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