I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
