Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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