At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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