You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
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if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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