he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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