Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
