Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
