so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
